Superman
by E. Limberg
Summary: Mac helps Stella over the ten weeks it takes for her HIV results to come back. Character death in last two chapters. Spoilers for Heart of Glass mainly. Hints of MS.
1. Looking for a Friend

**Superman**

**Chapter 1: Looking for a Friend**

"_I can't stand to fly_

_I'm not that naïve_

_I'm just out to find_

_The better part of me"_

"It just happened. I was putting a piece of bloody glass into an evidence bag. It was still wet. It just broke, cut me. I had no idea at the time that Emery Gable was HIV positive," Stella says quietly, avoiding Mac's gaze as they sit on the roof of the lab.

"Stella, why didn't you tell me?" Mac asks, more afraid of losing his friend than angry at her for not telling him.

"I thought I could handle it on my own. I'm scared, Mac," she whispers, those words escaping her lips for the first time since the incident, possibly the first time in her life even. "I know there are a lot of people living with AIDS, and I just… I don't think I have the strength to do that. I don't think I'm brave enough to wait for a cure."

Hearing this breaks his heart; she was the strongest person he knew. If anyone could get through this, Mac was sure it would be Stella. "What is it you say to me? Έχετε πάντα τη δύναμη, έχετε πάντα τα κότσια. You always have the strength, you always have the guts."

"Eέρω," she says in her native Greek.

"If you need to leave work, take some time off - "

"No. I took a blood test. It came back negative. I'm still in that window. I won't know if I'm HIV positive for another ten weeks. Right now, the only thing keeping me sane is work."

"I'm here for you," Mac pulls the broken woman in front of him into a comforting hug.

"I know," she buries her face in his neck, trying her hardest not to cry.

"Alright?"

In his arms, Stella believes everything will end up okay. Nothing bad can happen to her when he's holding her. She desperately wants to stay there the rest of the night, until she gets the results back, for eternity. But that was impossible; they both had work to get done. Besides, Mac had a girlfriend now, and she wouldn't want to intrude on that.

The couple remains in each others' arms for a few more minutes, Stella drawing strength from him, before separating. "Thank you, Mac. You're much more to me than you'll ever know."

"It's what we do. Did you forget that?"

"Of course not," she manages a small smile. "I hate to hear someone tell me advice I gave them. I can't follow my own advice."

"Your advice has helped me so much the past ten years. I want it to help you now." His pager goes off, calling him to a crime scene. "Looks like we both have work to do. You want dead guy covered in money or dead guy in cigarette costume?"

"You've got to be joking. What is the world coming to?" she rolls her eyes. "I'll take the cigarette."

"Take Sheldon with you," Mac leads her down the stairs, back into the lab, into reality.

**Superman**

"Stella," he calls out as she passes his office.

"What's up, Mac?" she joins him, looking at the bulletin board covered in pictures from his case.

"Besides the smoke detectors going off every five minutes?"

"Right."

"I spoke to Sid's wife. He's fine. The hospital's holding him overnight for observation," he assures her, knowing she's still nervous about it.

"Maybe I have nothing to worry about. If the world is going to end on Sunday, then what difference does it make, right?" Stella sadly tries to joke.

Her words pain both of them as the once impenetrable woman seems to give up hope of her life being normal again.

**A/N: The song is by Five for Fighting. Also, I do not own much of this chapter. I just though it'd be a good place to start the story so I listened to the beginning on the internet like seven times so I could write exactly what was said. The next nine chapters I did make up though. And this I'm pretty sure would now never happen after seeing last night's episode but anyway... I can dream. Actaully, I do not want it to end up like this. The last two chapters are very, very sad I will warn you. I was so happy when she kissed him last night. Maybe we'll know in two weeks instead of three whether she's positive. Probably not because he said the whole HIV thing ends on May 2. As soon as I knew it was euthanasia, I was sure they'd bring her HIV story line back. Let's hope Stella isn't considering that. I should get to do some typing soon for the next story. In order for me to get all three finished by May 2, they're going to have to overlap. But before I can type, I have to get my tape test for band done. I haven't played my flute in a week; I probably sound awful. I can't say that I hope you guys liked the first chapter since it's not my work. So... I hope you liked the scene as much as I did when it was on.**


	2. Looking for Support

**Chapter 2: Looking for Support**

"_I'm more than a bird_

_I'm more than a plane_

_More than some pretty face beside a train_

_And it's not easy to be me"_

"You don't have to tell them not if you're not ready to," Mac places a hand on hers.

"No, I need to. They have to suspect something is wrong; I know I've changed over the past three weeks. It'll be easier on me if they know," Stella takes a deep breath. "I can't keep hiding it."

"I'll go round them up," he offers, giving her time to prepare.

Ten minutes later, the six of them are crowded into Mac's office, all with cups of coffee to wake themselves up at the early hour. Danny, Lindsay, and Don sit on the couch, Sheldon leans against the wall by the door, and Mac stands beside Stella, who is shivering nervously about her coworkers' reactions in his chair.

"Is Stella the boss now?" Danny tries to lighten the mood in the room.

"Well, with Mac no longer in charge, at least we'll get to have a life," Flack replies, smirking.

Mac looks disapprovingly at them before turning his attention back to her. He leans down to her level. "They'll understand, Stella. Just tell them what you told me. Or I can tell them if you can't but still want them to know."

"What'd you do this time, Stella? He didn't fire you, did he?" Danny jokes.

"Cut it out, you two. This is serious," Lindsay hits the two guys beside her.

Stella looks around the room, observing all of their faces. "I… I have HIV. Possibly."

"What… How'd you… Who…?" Lindsay's mouth hangs open.

"And you told us not to be rude," Flack chuckles.

"Have you gone to get tested yet? I can give you names of good doctors," Sheldon offers.

"I went three weeks ago, right after I found out the vic was HIV positive. The first test was negative but I still have eight weeks before I know for sure."

"How… Stella, explain, please," Lindsay requests, still in shock.

"I was processing the Emery Gable crime scene a few weeks ago. When I picked up one of the pieces of bloodstained glass, it broke and cut my wrist. I took care of the wound, not knowing he had HIV until Sid told me after the autopsy. I checked with Adam to make sure no one else's blood was on the glass, and he confirmed my fear. I… I knew I needed to be tested so I went to a clinic. The nurse gave me medicines to… I don't know what since there isn't a cure yet."

"They keep you from getting worse," Hawkes inputs. "I'm not exactly sure whether they work or not since I was a surgeon and didn't deal with that much."

"Like I said, the first test was negative, but it doesn't mean much."

"Whatever the outcome, Stel, we'll be here for you," Don promises.

"Thank you all for you support," Stella tries to smile.

"Now that that's over with, we have work. Danny and Hawkes, you're with me. Lindsay and Flack, you're with Stella," Mac hands her the folder.

Everyone stands, still tired, to get ready to work. Lindsay comes over to her and whispers, "You've got some talking to do on the way there."

Mac and Stella are left alone while the others gather the equipment. "I thought that would've been harder for you. You did well."

"I just don't want them to pity me because I might have this disease that could kill me."

"You're not going to die, Stel. Well, eventually you are, but not because of this."

"What a way to cheer someone up."

"You know me; I'm a man of science, not social skills."

"All the more reason to let me do the talking."

Mac opens his arms to her for a hug. She accepts and without a second thought, kisses his cheek as a thanks. He immediately reddens.

Through the glass walls, Lindsay watches the couple in the office while waiting for Stella. _That explains a lot._

**A/N: What is Lindsay talking about? Guess you'll have to wait for next chapter. I just watched Providence. Syd dreamed about the "Newlywed Game", however it's spelled, and her hair was straight. I didn't like it because I'm so used to Melina's curls I guess. How in the world did they get her hair so straight anyway? My dog stepped on my toe and now it hurts again. I can't complain to my dance teacher tomorrow though because she won't be there; lucky her: she's in Disney. When we went to Orlando a couple years ago, I'll I remember is hating the heat. I would never in a million years live there. I hate the summer heat in Ohio. How can Horatio wear suits in that heat? Maybe I will have my parents leave me in Alaska this summer. No heat, no worms, no annoying brothers... what would be wrong with that? My dad teases me when I say I'm going to live in Alaska, and my mom says I probably won't find forensic work there where snow always covers the ground. Because, as I learned in Western Civ, people commit murders in the summer moreso than the winter. CSI should be reruns in the winter. The stupid document thing won't let me download/upload, I don't know the correct term, the last two chapters of the story on here so I can get them off the computer. I'm really not looking forward to school again. I need to go look in my planner and see how many days we have left. I think it's in the thirties. I'll update tomorrow. Please review.**


	3. Looking for a Family

**Chapter 3: Looking for a Family**

"_Wish that I could cry_

_Fall upon my knees_

_Find a way to lie_

_About a home I'll never see"_

The number of beer bottles on the coffee table grows rapidly through Stella's eyes. She could barely remember what number she was drinking now. The TV was on, but she wasn't paying it the slightest bit of attention; she had to use all her concentration to think.

"I know you're in there, Stella," she faintly hears someone yell while pounding on her door.

Her legs are hardly able to hold her up as she stumbles to the door. Every time she looks down for the door handle, it's in a different spot, and she must reach four times before she finally grasps it and turns the knob. "Hi, Mac," she slurs the words together, attempting to focus on his face.

"Can I come in?" he asks.

She looks back towards her living room. "Sure." Swaying, she manages to make it safely to the couch.

Mac sits next to her and tries to take the bottle away. "Stella, you've already downed seven bottles; it's time to stop."

"No, I'm fine. Besides, after… after all this, I think I deserve to… to… take a break from reality."

"Do you even remember what 'this' is?"

"I have HIV; of course I remember. Stupid alcohol isn't working right," she stops to take a drink from the bottle she is clutching. "You and… Peyton, what's going on with that? Lindsay said… said she heard her crying in the bathroom."

"I don't think this is a good time to talk about it."

"C'mon, Mac. I wanna know."

"We broke up."

"Why? You only have so much – so much time to have a family before… before something happens, and you can't… and you die…"

"She was mad because I've been spending more time with you than I have been with her," Mac tries not to laugh at her clumsiness.

"You're really sweet, Mac Taylor. Did you know that… your eyes are really, really, really beautiful?"

"I… yes, I've been told that they are. What did you mean when you were rambling about kids and families before something happens?"

"Don't give up on Peyton just because of me; you're running out of… of time before you can't have kids. The longer you wait, the more likely that some… something will happen. Like what happened to me," she tries to point to herself.

"If Peyton can't accept the fact that I'm going to be here for you no matter what, I don't want to be with her, let alone have a family with her. And, Stella, you can still get married, have kids, all the stuff you wanted to do before," he watches her set the empty eighth bottle on the table with the others.

"No, I can't. If I'm positive, my life and dreams of having a family are over. No man is going to marry an HIV positive woman. Guys practically live for sex; they're not going to… risk getting sick by sleeping with me. And children are completely… out of the question. I get pregnant and pass my traits down, giving the kid a fifty percent chance of ending up… like… me. I'm such a… a… a wreck, Mac. How come we're still friends?"

"I'd still marry you, Stel. That stuff doesn't matter to me."

"Really?" Stella asks sleepily.

"I wouldn't lie to you," Mac takes her hand as she closes her eyes. "Stella… Stel?" She doesn't answer. Worried, he checks her wrist for a pulse and is relieved to find one. _It's okay; she just passed out. After that much alcohol, who wouldn't?_

He gently lifts her from her position on the couch and takes her to her bed. As he pulls the blankets over her, she unconsciously makes herself comfortable on her side. "I know you can't hear me, but… I love you, Stella. Good night."

Heading to her couch, he swears he hears her whisper, "Love you too."

**A/N: Poor Stella. I'm only fourteen; I don't know what it's like to be drunk nor have I seen a drunk person. I hope this is somewhat accurate. In one of my other stories I wrote the two of them drunk... one of the Silly Games sequels. I'm starting to get my stories confused. I still have homework to do, and I go back to school in two days. Bio powerpoint, practice flute again, possibly read more in Lord of the Flies so I don't have to this week. I had a dream about my biology project last night... although I think it more revolved around this guy who looked a lot like Owen on Providence, except younger, closer to my age. For some reason we ended up at the grocery, which was right next to the school (not in real life), because we had to buy cookies, I think it was, for the class. Maybe I'm getting a little too obsessed with Melina's shows. I did have a dream about Stella and Mac one time... I can't remember what happened though. I hate it when you're having a really good dream and then you wake up and can't remember it. My mom had a dream about my fifth grade science teacher one time; that was kind of strange. So my dance teacher wasn't there today so I had my teacher from last year. She really likes my lyrical but the jazz she says is too difficult because she can tell I'm not as confident with it. The first part of the song is really slow and then it gets extremely fast (Pirates of the Carribean-Jack Sparrow/He's a Pirate mix). By the time I finish, I can barely breathe. I can't change the whole thing with only three classes, maybe even two because of state band competitions, before recital. I guess I have to talk to my teacher next week. Anyway, I hope the document thing is working soon because not very many people can update. **


	4. Looking at Flashbacks

**Chapter 4: Looking at Flashbacks**

"_It may sound absurd_

_But don't be naïve_

_Even heroes have the right to bleed_

_I may be disturbed_

_But won't you concede_

_Even heroes have the right to dream_

_And it's not easy to be me"_

Mac has already started to process when Stella arrives. He turns around upon hearing her enter. "Morning, Stella. You want to process the bedroom?"

Her normally tan face has turned a ghostly white as she observes the crime scene. The room is covered in pieces of glass, and she has a flashback to the scene five weeks ago that caused all her suffering.

"Stella?" he repeats, trying to get her attention.

"Huh? Oh, sure, I can get the bedroom," she carefully makes her way from the front door to the bedroom.

Studying her, he can tell something's off, what yet, he's not sure, but he'll talk to her when they're finished here. He turns back to the glass in front of him and continues to bag it.

In the meantime, Stella looks around the room, wondering where to begin as she puts gloves on. Like the other room, this room was also covered in glass; not quite as much but still a lot.

First, she photographs the blood drops around the room, mainly on the floor. Then she takes pictures of the evidence she finds and bags it before starting on the glass.

After five minutes of collecting the glass pieces, it starts to overwhelm her. More flashback of the glass breaking and cutting her wrist play in her mind. Her head is spinning, and she gets dizzier by the second. Without warning, her whole body becomes weak, and she faints.

In the other room, Mac hears a soft thump on the floor and looks up. Hawkes, also curious, had looked up as well. Both men stand and head to the bedroom, where it sounded like the noise came from. Not seeing Stella in the room, they enter. Mac walks around the bed and discovers her lying on the floor, unconscious.

"Stella," he says frantically, bending down to check for a pulse in her neck. He is greatly relieved to find it although he is still worried about her.

Sheldon joins him, checking her over for injuries. "It looks like she just passed out. We'll call for an ambulance if she doesn't wake up in a few minutes. Let's get her out of here."

"I can get her," Mac puts on arm under her knees and the other behind her back before standing up, taking her with him. He carries her into the hall way outside the apartment, away from the glass. "Oh, Stel. What am I going to do with you?" Gently, he sets her down against the wall and sits down himself, leaning her against him, an arm around her shoulders.

As Hawkes is getting ready to call for an ambulance, Stella's eyes flutter open, and she tries to focus. Startling Mac, she lifts her head from his shoulder and starts to talk. "I'm sorry, Mac; I didn't mean to faint. It was just all that glass was getting to me. I kept having flashbacks of… that moment that changed everything. Then I felt dizzy, and the next thing I know, I'm sitting here."

"Sh, Stella. I understand," he pulls her into a hug.

"I… I can't work on this case."

"I'll switch you with someone on the other case. Don't worry about it."

"I'm going to finish up in there. Call me if you need anything," Sheldon walks back into the crime scene.

"Maybe I shouldn't be working at all." A single tear makes its way down her cheek.

"You're fine; anyone who knows your situation would understand why you fainted."

"Thanks you for supporting me."

He wipes away another tear that falls with his thumb. "That's what I'm here for."

"I'm glad I have you for a friend."

"Me too," Mac leans in and kisses her cheek without realizing it. Stella sits in shock, not sure how to react.

**A/N: I think Mac likes her. Anyway, I'm all confused about Stella's past. There's a preview for the next four episodes on So, she said she grew up in an orphanage during first season, whether St. Basil's was mentioned or people made that up or what, I don't know. Her profile thing on CBS says she grew up in the system, which I assume is foster care. Also, I'm pretty sure she grew up in New York and never lived elsewhere. Knowing that she investigates her foster father's death, she obviously grew up in the system. Where does this bloody jacket come in during that case? And why was she in Philadelphia? Now, the jacket would make some sense if she really did live at St. Basil's orphanage, which is in Philadelphia. Then she wouldn't have grown up in NY. I can't wait for the episode to air. What else happens... Flack says something to Mac and I think Mac probably gets mad at him. Someone points a gun at Mac. Some lady is tied up, and she looks somewhat like Stella but her voice is definitely not Melina's. This week better go by fast. I had another dream about biology last night, but now I can't remember what happened. The Owen looking guy wasn't in it. I am getting way to obsessed with Providence and NY. Or we could just say Melina. You guys must really like my stories if you sit here and read all this junk I put in my notes. Please review.**


	5. Looking for her Past

**Chapter 5: Looking for her Past**

"_Up, up, and away_

_Away from me_

_Well it's all right_

_You can all sleep sound tonight_

_I'm not crazy or anything"_

Mac opens the door of the large building for Stella, watching as she remembers her childhood. As much as she hates to talk about her years in the orphanage, he notices that revisiting it seems to cheer her up. Seeing her happy makes him smile too, and he listens intently as she tells him bits and pieces of her past.

That morning, she had decided to go talk to the father at the orphanage, whom she had been close with when there, partly because she got in trouble so often. She had called Mac and asked him to accompany her there; of course he said yes, wanting to get to know her better.

The couple enters the office area, and the secretary starts to scream. "Is that really you, Stella Bonasera?" She runs from behind the desk to hug her.

A few other woman that knew Stella from when she was a kid there come running as well, and Mac stands out of the way as they each hug her in turn. He sees a man come out of his office and stand in his doorway, watching the excitement. After everything dies down, the man makes his way to her. "What brings you here, Stella? Did you and your husband come to adopt a child?" he motions to Mac.

"He's not my husband. Father, this is Mac Taylor, my partner and best friend. Mac, this is Father John," Stella introduces the two men, who shake hands.

"I'm so sorry about that. Why don't we go to my office, and we can talk about why you came?" he leads the two into his small, cluttered office. "Can I get you coffee, tea, water?"

"I'm fine," Mac sits down beside Stella.

"Hot tea, please."

As he hands her the warm mug, he asks, "What's wrong?"

"What makes you think something's wrong?" she counters with a mischievous smile.

"You only come to visit me when there's something wrong."

"I had a little incident at work. A piece of bloodstained glass broke and accidentally cut me. The owner of the blood was HIV positive."

"You, of all the girls that leave this place. When do you find out whether you have it or not?"

"Four weeks and a couple days."

"What did you mean by that?" Mac asks.

"By the time most of the girls leave the orphanage, they're already doomed. They drink, smoke, use other drugs, make money by sleeping with men; you name it, it's been done. Stella was one of the few who actually cared about what happened to her and worked hard to keep from the pressure of doing those things. There were so few like that," the father says sadly before cheering them up. "You couldn't exactly call her a good little girl, but she was better than the rest of them."

Mac, not knowing much about her childhood, doesn't quite get it. Looking at Stella, who is blushing, it is obvious she knows what he's talking about. "What did you do?" he asks her.

"Nothing. Just forget about it."

"Many times I'd find her outside my office; one of the sisters had gotten fed up with her questions or behavior and sent her to me to deal with it. She was quite a mischievous and curious child, yet she always looked so innocent. Would you like to see some pictures?"

"No, please don't," Stella begs.

He ignores her and pulls out a couple albums. "All the sisters never seemed to care for you much except the one, but when you left, they'd always be talking about you."

Mac looks through the photos, Stella occasionally stopping him to tell a story about when the picture was taken, what she was doing. "It doesn't look like she's changed a bit. She's still a pain at times, and you have to watch your back around her. And of course we can't forget how beautiful she is."

**A/N: I still have homework to do. I really shouldn't be updating now anyway. I'll try to make this short. When I opened up my email today, I had like three reviews for previous chapters. Then when I finished reading updates, there were more. Thanks you guys. Wow, this has to be my shortest note ever.**


	6. Looking for Side Effects

**Chapter 6: Looking for Side Effects**

"_I can't stand to fly_

_I'm not that naïve_

_Men weren't meant to ride_

_With clouds between their knees"_

Trying to concentrate on finishing her case file before going home, Stella is curled up at one end of the couch in the break room. She wasn't having much luck as the side effects of the medicine given to her had finally set in; since she hadn't done much work on the case due to her condition, she felt she owed it to her coworkers to do the paperwork.

On his way out, Mac spots her sitting there, an expression of pain on her face. Not in a hurry, he enters. "You okay? Something hurting you?"

She forces a smile onto her lips. "Just the effects of the medication they gave me."

"Like what?"

"Loss of sleep, headaches… since you're up, can you get me the Aspirin from the cabinet?"

He gets the container along with a bottle of water and hands them to her. "Anything else bothering you?"

"Cramps."

"Oh," he looks away, not wanting to discuss her female problems. "I don't think I can help you with that."

"It's not what you think. I've got cramps from that stupid medicine that I don't think is doing anything except making me feel worse than I did before. It took seven weeks before anything even happened," Stella puts a couple pills in her mouth and takes a drink of water to swallow them.

"Hungry?"

"No."

"When was the last time you ate something?"

"I don't know. Around noon, I had a banana."

"And a full meal was how long ago?" Mac tires to pulls her up from the couch, but she doesn't want to budge.

"Breakfast… yesterday."

"That's not good; you need to eat. Come on; we're going to get food together, and you will eat it. I will tie you up and force feed you if I have to," he threatens.

"I'd like to see you try."

"Don't doubt me, Stel, or I might have to prove it to you. Now, would you care to explain to me why you haven't eaten since yesterday morning?"

"Well, after I ate yesterday morning, I felt like I was going to get sick if I ate again so I only had a few small snacks. Today, I'm just not hungry."

"You've barely eaten the past two days; how can you not be hungry?"

"I don't know, Mac."

"Get up and start moving, or I'll drag your butt to the car."

"You talk so big, but I don't think you'd really do the stuff you threaten to," Stella smirks, daring him to keep his word.

His face remains stern but his normally icy cold eyes shine like when he's smiling. Mac takes her hands and pulls her to her feet. Then he bends down, placing one arm around her back and the other behind her knees, and lifts her up. "Still not believe that I stick to my word?"

"No, I believe you. If you don't mind, I'd like to be put down."

Ignoring her request, he carries her down the hall to the elevator, all people in the lab turning their heads to watch. "You're not as heavy now as you felt when you're unconscious."

"Okay, I get it. Now please put me down," she squirms, trying to get him to let her walk.

"I haven't finished proving myself to you." The elevator finally reaches the lobby, and he walks to the parking garage, placing her in his car.

She sighs and leans her head back. "I didn't like that. Stupid elevator made me dizzy."

"Quit complaining or I'll have to torture you again."

**A/N: This was kind of an odd chapter. Anyway, I got an A plus on that bio project I was complaining to you guys about. My partner's like, "That'll raise my D." I was trying not to laugh at her. I let her borrow my flashdrive last night so she could look over the power point and make sure it looked okay. She doesn't have power point on her computer so she went to the library. When she plugged the thing in, it came up and she clicked on the first thing she saw, which is two folders, fanfic and school. Well, it was the fanfic folder so she couldn't figure out where our presentation was. She was going through all my stories that I have saved on there because I don't want all twenty-five or whatever of them on the computer. And probably my pictures too becasue I have my favorite Mac and Stella desktops on there. Finally she realized I had two folders and she found it. What else happened... I get to go see a Shakespeare (?) play tomorrow and miss like four classes. No stories from Mrs. Zink tomorrow I guess. Ew, I have copy notes from a friend for her class and notes for bio so I don't fail the open note quiz Friday. Plus I miss Spanish. If were doing the back of today's homework, it doesn't look too hard. Except I'm going to miss a lot with conjugating to past tense with er and ir verbs. I'll have to copy that too. The one thing I hate about field trips. Providence is on in fifteen minutes... I should shut up now. I'll update this tomorrow and maybe post the first chapter of my next story. I've got that one typed, but the other one I want up before May 2 only has three chapters done. Hopefully my brother has at least two soccer games between now and then. Thanks for the reviews.**


	7. Looking for Happiness

**Chapter 7: Looking for Happiness**

"_I'm only a man in a silly red sheet_

_Digging for kryptonite on this one way street_

_Only a man in a funny red sheet_

_Looking for special things inside of me"_

"What is this?" Stella holds up the piece of paper.

"Your birthday invitation," Lindsay glances quickly at the sheet before turning her attention back to the victim's clothes in front of her. "Mac told me we're to go shopping for an outfit right after work."

"I told him I didn't want to do anything for my birthday. Next time I see him I'm going to wring his neck."

"Little harsh, Stella. It'll just be the six of us plus Hawkes' and Flack's dates, assuming they have one."

"I don't care. Why can't I just stay at home on my birthday? And doesn't he know my birthday is Monday, not today?" she puts her lab coat on so she can help Lindsay.

"We decided tonight would be better that way no one would be hung over at work the next day."

"How come only Hawkes and Flack get dates? Well, you and Danny are going out, but why can't Mac and I bring dates?"

"We thought… aren't you two… Danny saw him carry you out of the building last week, and we thought you two were… dating."

"We're not."

"I don't know. Mac organized the whole thing," Lindsay shrugs, still puzzled about him carrying her to the car last week if they weren't dating.

**Superman**

Mac pulls the car into a parking spot outside the restaurant. "Stel, we're here," he says when she doesn't move.

"I want to go home."

"At least come in for dinner. If you don't want to stay after that, I'll take you home so you can catch up on sleep. Please, Stella, I know this isn't our normal celebration, but can't you give it a try?"

She stares angrily at him, trying to keep herself from yelling at him. After a deep sigh, she replies, "Okay."

He takes her hand and leads her inside, whispering to her. "With this job, you never know; it could be your last birthday."

"That's a good way to cheer someone up."

"Happy birthday," the other four say to her as they sit down at the table.

"Thanks," Stella tries to sound happy.

"What's the matter, Stel? Nervous about the test results already?" Hawkes, on her other side, asks. "Don't be. We'll all be here for you."

"I know you will be. Even with your support, I still don't think I can wait until a cure is found. I'm just… not strong enough."

"You're the strongest person I know, Stella. You can make it through this," Don assures her.

"This is a birthday celebration, and she should be happy. We're just worrying her more. Let her have some fun, get a little drunk, forget her problems," Danny stops the other two from asking her more questions. "Whatever you want, Stel. I'll pay for this round."

"Coke."

"You have to have more than that."

"I don't need kidney _and_ liver problems," she puts her head in her hands. "Besides, I'm probably not supposed to drink with my medicines."

"That didn't stop you before," Mac points out. She bites back a retort, instead glaring at him. She remains quiet as they eat, the others talking about work.

Hawkes and Flack go ask two girls to dance while Danny leads Lindsay onto the floor. Mac approaches her. "Want to dance?"

"Not particularly."

"You need to; it might do you some good," he takes her hand and leads a reluctant Stella onto the floor. Awkwardly they put their arms around each other. "I don't like to see you like this. I'm doing the best I can to help you. Don't worry; everything will be fine."

**A/N: I had written all but the last chapter when I went back and wrote this one. I couldn't think of anything to do. And then it dawned on me Melina's birthday's around that time so we'll make Stella's then too. Stupid alerts aren't working again. So I'm going to try not to blab on too much here because I'm going to put the first chapter of another story up a little later. We went to see the Temptist today; not very exciting. Although I got the idea of what was going on compared to in Love's Labor Lost or whatever it is we went to see earlier in the year. Bones is new tonight: yeah!! Why can't NY be? Only another week to wait. My mom said Criminal Minds is new but maybe she just doesn't remember this one. I haven't looked since last week to see what they're about. My mom just asked me to update her iPod. Since the computer died, I haven't reinstalled her or my brother's iTunes. When I did mine, I had to download a different version off the internet so it would completely reset up my thing because old songs that I had deleted weren't coming off. When I opened iTunes for the first time, all my songs came up on the list so I didn't have to go through clicking all of them to get them on the list. For whatever reason, her's didn't. My brother's probably won't either. And this iTunes version is faster than the other so after I click a song, it automatically comes up compared to the old one where I could click all the songs in an album without iTunes popping in front of the files. It's so annoying. And I was going to type the fourth chapter of the one story while she took my brother to soccer. Guess not. **


	8. Looking for Some Comfort

**Chapter 8: Looking for Some Comfort**

"_Inside of me_

_Inside of me_

_Yeah, inside of me_

_Inside of me"_

It is April 26; the day that haunts her and will forever. The horrible event that changed her life forever happened exactly one year ago.

All day Stella had kept herself busy to avoid thinking about the attack. But when work was over, she was afraid to go home. She was sure all the team members knew what today was, but not one of them said a thing or offered her any comfort; just as abandoned as a year ago, she goes to her apartment alone, desperately attempting to forget.

Now she lies on her bed, sleeping away her pain and loneliness, gun resting in her hands on her stomach. It is a deep sleep, Frankie endlessly taunting her dreams.

Outside her apartment door, a man, Mac, stands, wanting to help his best friend. He finally lifts his hand up to knock on the door; she doesn't answer it. Again, a bit louder, he knocks and gets the same response. He pulls his keys from his jean pocket and finds the one he needs. In case of emergencies, they had exchanged keys shortly after Claire past away; Mac hadn't needed to use it before now.

As he opens the door and enters, he listens carefully for a sign of life in the apartment. There is no trace of her until he reaches her bedroom, discovering her asleep.

Just by looking at her, you would think everything was good. As soon as you saw what she was clutching in her hands, though, the perfect image would be destroyed. This strong woman was obviously still hurting, and Mac is well aware of it.

Softly he runs a hand through her smooth brown curls, and Stella shifts on the bed but doesn't wake. Seeing her alive and unharmed makes him smile. After another minute of watching her, he carefully takes the gun from her cold hands, planning on putting it in the kitchen just to be sure she wouldn't be harmed. Taking one last look at her, Mac turns to leave. At the door, a small voice stops him.

"Why are you here?" Stella asks, eyes observing the familiar surroundings. When she spots the gun in his hands, she unconsciously backs away.

"I know what today is and how hard it must be for you. I just came to make sure you're alright," he walks back to the bed.

"What's the… what's the gun for?" she sits up and moves over to let him sit down.

"Oh, you had it in your hands. The safety was on, but I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't hurt yourself." Mac hands the gun back to her, and she sets it on the nightstand. "I know I wasn't much help through this last year, but I want to make it up to you. Let me help you."

Stella seems to contemplate his words. "I've been through so much this past year. I don't know if Frankie's attack or this whole HIV thing is worse. My life goes from one disaster to the next, and I think it's getting more dangerous for me."

"No one's life is that bad, and yours could be a lot worse. You have a good job, a home, friends. Many women die in domestic violence situations, but you managed to fight him off. And as for the HIV, we don't know for sure whether you have it or not. Even if you do, we caught it early enough for it to be maintained and not develop into AIDS."

"I… I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay. But if you ever do, I'm always here to listen."

"I know."

"Do you want me to stay here with you tonight?"

"I…," she begins, wanting to tell him she's a big girl and can take care of herself. "If you don't have other plans."

Mac makes himself comfortable on the bed. "Good night, Stella."

"Night, Mac," she lays back down. Before he turns the light off, she gets a glimpse of the time: 10:45; the time, or what the ME had estimated, as Frankie's time of death.

Even though the room is dark, he can tell she's crying. Without trying to force her into it, he pulls her over closer to him. He lets her cry herself to sleep, head on his chest.

**A/N: Just a reminder that the next two chapters are extremely sad and involve a character death. I have homework yet to do. Stupid Lord of the Flies. The stem quizzes are like twenty billion times worse 'cause you have to know fifteen new words along with ten or so new stems plus all the previous weeks' stuff. I didn't do so well when I went through my study cards during study hall today. And I have to make my lunch. I can't wait until next Wednesday. We do find out next week. I got more chapters of the one story typed so it's about half way done now. I'll update this one tomorrow and either the one started or I'll edit the new one and post the first chapter. For those of you who are interested, the one story already up is Bad Can Turn Good and the new one is... A Family at Last maybe. I honestly don't remember other than the word Family is somewhere in there. Something always happens to Stella the last episode of April. First season she shoved the autopsy photo in the girl's face and got a complaint. Last year it was Frankie attacking her and this year she finds out about her HIV. I'm seriously going to bother my dance teacher all Saturday about it and Wednesday when I see her for pictures. I gotto go. Please review. Thanks.**


	9. Looking for a Way Out

**Chapter 9: Looking for a Way Out**

"_I'm only a man in a funny red sheet_

_I'm only a man looking for a dream_

_I'm only a man in a funny red sheet_

_And it's not easy"_

"You get the results tomorrow, don't you?" Mac asks, following her into her apartment after dinner.

Stella nods, scared to death of the outcome. "I need to tell you something."

"Go ahead."

"I love you, Mac. After tomorrow, it might never be possible for us to be together if I test positive, assuming you feel the same. And even if I'm negative, I don't know that it would work out between us, and I couldn't stand to lose my best friend. I just wanted you to know, whatever the outcome of tomorrow, I will never stop loving you, Mac Taylor," she wipes a tear from her eye.

"Stella, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me since Claire was killed. I love you too. And the results don't matter to me; I'd still take the risk if you are positive," he leans over to kiss her lips, taking her by surprise.

"No," she pushes him away. "No, I can't do this. I know you don't care, and I'm flattered that you don't, but I still can't let you take that risk. I refuse to let you get sick too."

"Let me do this. Please, Stel. I won't hurt you," Mac tries to kiss her again, but she moves away from him.

"No. I really want to let you, to pretend that this never happened for the first time in three months; after all, I've dreamt of this since we met. If we were to… and you ended up with it, I could never forgive myself for giving it to you," Stella gives up fighting him off.

He doesn't try to force her to do anything she doesn't want to, just pulls her into a hug. "Promise me that you'll give us a try if the results are negative. And if they are positive, I'm still willing to date you as long as you feel the same. You mean so much to me, Stel; if you're going to die, I want to go with you."

"They caught it early enough; I'm not going to die from HIV."

"I hope not," Mac kisses her cheek and pulls out of the embrace. "I should leave you alone now."

"Good night," she pulls him in for a long, passionate kiss. "I love you."

"Love you too," he whispers, smiling. With another short kiss, he walks out the door. "See you tomorrow morning. Try not to worry about it."

Silently she closes the door, letting the tears she had hidden so well minutes earlier run down her cheeks. After giving herself a few minutes to let herself cry, she goes back into the kitchen. A pile of mail for the day sits on the table, and she looks through it quickly before she comes to an envelope with a federal lab name and address in the return address corner. _What in the world is this?_ Stella searches her mind, trying to figure out why a federal lab would contact her. Then it dawns on her: the results. _It can't be; they're a day early._

Setting the envelope aside, she looks around the kitchen and adjoining living room. Her gun lay on the table in front of her; there were plenty of knives in the drawer. But she couldn't end it that way.

Tears pour from her eyes as she writes a note for Mac, staining the ink on the paper. She had to let him know that it wasn't his fault, that he should continue without her. When she finishes it, she folds the paper and kisses it next to his name, leaving a lipstick mark. Underneath it, she places the results, wanting him to look at them when she didn't have the courage to.

Slowly Stella makes her way to the bedroom, taking in her apartment one last time. Next to her on the bad, she places Mac's picture.

On the nightstand, there is a bottle of sleeping pills the doctor had given to her to make her sleep, warning her of the effects if she took too many, and a bottle of water.

She opens the container and swallows all the pills inside, about half of what they had given her. After making herself comfortable on the bed, she quickly falls into a deep sleep, never to wake up again.

**A/N: I'm so evil. It seems like Stella or Mac or both always die in my stories. I'll post the last chapter tomorrow. Twelve more days to get fifteen chapters posted of other stories. It'll work if I start A Family at Last later today or tomorrow and update everyday. The other two chapters of Bad Can Turn Good can be added whenever. So I missed Providence today, at least a seven. My brother was watching one TV and my dad the other. We have four TVs but only two get the channel it's on. Now I have to miss Numb3rs so I can watch it at ten. And Bones is on at nine. Maybe I won't fall asleep tonight since I won't be watching Numb3rs; I always fall asleep during that show. It's a rerun anyway, one that I didn't fall asleep during or that I watched online if I did. I have like no homework this weekend. All I have to do is color pictures of the heart and veins for bio and practice my flute. I can read ahead in Lord of the Flies too so I won't have so much homework this week. My toe is still hurting me. It's been a week and a half. But my dance teacher will be there tomorrow at nine o'clock in the morning for me to bother. Actually we have to work on fixing my jazz dance because the other teacher thinks it's dangerous for me to do some of the combinations with such little technique. I don't really have a problem with any of the steps, just that I can't breath for a minute and a half when the song is really, really fast. Lyrical, I will say, is twenty times better technique wise but then again I don't have a problem breathing during that one. You guys who seriously sit here and read my notes are insane. Thanks for your support those. Hopefully alerts will start working again.**


	10. Looking for a Lost Friend

**Chapter 10: Looking for a Lost Friend**

"_It's not easy to be me"_

Mac stands impatiently outside her door. He had already called her home phone and cell phone when she didn't show up for work and got no reply. Sighing, he pulls out the key from his pocket and opens the door. "Stella… where are you?" he calls, walking into the kitchen.

On the kitchen table, he finds a folded piece of paper, his name written on the outside. Curiously he picks it up. "Mac, I'm so sorry it had to be this way. I'd like to thank you for your support since it happened, but I just… I couldn't do it," he reads from the note.

Finally realizing what had happened, Mac runs through the apartment, frantically looking for her. When he reaches the bedroom, he finds her lying on the bed. Her skin is cold as he checks for a pulse. Dropping the note on the floor, he lifts her from the bed, puts her down on the floor, and starts to do CPR, knowing already that it was worthless.

As he gives up, tears glide down his cheeks; he had lost his best friend and another woman he had loved. While he finishes reading her note, he holds her hand in his. "I'll always love you too, Stella," Mac whispers and kisses her hand. "But how could you do this?"

After giving himself a few more minutes to cry, he calls the others. All of them promise to get there as fast as they can. In the meantime, Mac pulls on a pair of gloves and starts to look around. He knew she had committed suicide, but before the case could be closed, he also knew they had to rule out murder.

Because seeing her body lying there was starting to put thoughts, bad ones, in his head, he leaves the bedroom and goes back to the kitchen. Underneath where the note had been, he finds the envelope from the federal lab. He was positive it was her test results and opens it. Scanning the sheet for the answer to his question, he finds it: she tested negative. Stella had killed herself for nothing.

"Taylor, you're contaminating evidence," the police chief says. The other four are behind him.

"Evidence? She killed herself and for no reason," Mac holds up the paper.

"Where's the body?" Hawkes asks.

He leads them to her bedroom. "It was an overdose," he points to the empty pill container.

"Why… why didn't she just… use her gun or a… a knife?" Lindsay asks, burying her face in Danny's shoulder.

"The test results weren't opened so she didn't know if she was HIV positive or not. In case she was, she didn't want any of us to get it."

Two body transportation men from the morgue enter with a gurney. "I don't want her cut open," Mac steps in front of them.

"Mac, I know you're upset, but we have to take her and make sure it was a suicide," the chief tries to pull him away.

"She's not going to be cut up. It was a suicide. Stella told me after she got tested that she couldn't live with HIV, that she wasn't strong enough. She told me she would kill herself, but I didn't listen. It's my fault she's dead," he begins to cry again, realizing faintly that he's cried more already for Stella than he ever did when Claire died. "I should have stayed with her last night. That's why she told me she loved me; she knew she was going to kill herself. The results didn't matter in whether we could be together or not."

**Superman**

Mac stays by her grave after everyone else has gone. "I know it's only been three days, but I miss you like crazy, Stel. When I lost Claire, you were there to take care of me. Now that you're gone, I'm all alone. I still don't understand why you did it; I feel like it's my fault because you tried to tell me but I wasn't… listening hard enough to hear your cry for help. For that, I'm sorry. I love you, Stella," he places the flowers by her headstone.

Just then, the sky clears and the sun shines brightly, sending him her reply.

**A/N: It's finally over. Thanks for all the reviews. Why does it seem like people review the most when someone dies or the author writes something that would probably never happen on the show? It seems to me that everytime Stella or Mac dies in one of my stories, there's suddenly an increase in reviews. And then in Because I Knew You, I had Stella cheat on Mac while he was in a coma. I had twice as many reviews in that chapter than about every other one because people wanted to tell me that she would never do that. I know she wouldn't but isn't that why it's called fanfiction? Like in this story, I don't exactly see Stella as one to commit suicide, but that idea came to me after hearing her tell Mac about the HIV. I don't mean to seem mean here. Sorry if you feel that way. I've gotta go start my next story while my parents are gone. Oh, so the story I'm writing now I'm not all that into even though I thought it was a great idea to have Mac say something to Stella about her wardrobe. While I was looking through lyrics, I found a Rascal Flatts song I want to use. That might be what I write next. Does anyone have any suggestions for what Mac and Stella, who are already in a relationship when the story starts, could have a big fight about that could end up with them losing their relationship/friendship? Thanks for your help. Also, thank you to all who read and/or reviewed my story.**


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